Grief sucks

Grief sucks.

“…it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears… and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer… and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone… and I’m crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly… terribly alone.” Michael Scott, The Office

I’ve been binge watching The Office lately. The other day the episode “Grief Counseling” came on while I was working on this blog. Michael’s speech about the grief he’s feeling after the loss of his former boss really hit home. I was laughing and crying at the same time and yelling at the TV! Yes, he gets it! 

After losing several friends to cancer, I didn’t know how to process so much grief. Over the past few years I put on weight and stopped working out and thought eating fries every day would cure all my sadness. It didn’t, by the way.

So I started this blog, started working out and started eating healthy. But there were setbacks. There are always setbacks. But the key is to be okay with starting over a few times. Then maybe a few more times. And then one day I got it and kept going. 

Now, I’m consistently training for triathlons again. I eat healthy about 95% of the time (I love my fries!) and I’m sleeping better and feeling better overall. 

The grief still lingers because I miss my friends. But my heart doesn’t feel like it’s still in the “bucket of boiling tears.” 

Livestrong Challenge 2008, Portland, Oregon. Too many names.